Balder McDash: Corbyn to make beards compulsory; Farage spotted hiding in lorry; ITV forced to refund viewers for trash TV


CommonSpace reporter Balder McDash brings you his big stories from the last week

Jeremy Corbyn to make beards compulsory


JEREMY CORBYN this week announced his intention to make beards compulsory if he becomes leader of the Labour Party.

This comes just days after former Labour leader Ed Miliband was pictured with a grizzled new look, reportedly grown in support of Corbyn.

Under Corbyn’s new plans, razors and trimmers would be banned and all men over the age of 18 would be required to grow a beard.

It is also rumoured that, in order to counter allegations of sexism, women are to be actively encouraged to maximise their bodily hair.

Research commissioned through independent pollster U-SUK found that 63 per cent of people like Corbyn’s appearance; the other 37 per cent of people think that he looks like Moses.

Nigel Farage spotted hiding in lorry


UKIP leader Nigel Farage has been spotted climbing into the back of a lorry at Calais.

Farage had been keeping a low profile since his party failed to win more than one seat at the UK General Election in May.

According to a Ukip insider, Farage has spent the past three months in the Caribbean posing as a travelling salesman.

He was reportedly removed from a St Lucia to Heathrow flight after asking a steward for proof of British citizenship.

Last week he was rumoured to have joined a group of migrants attempting to enter the country illegally.

Prime Minister David Cameron described the incident as: “Bloody hilarious, frankly.”

A spokesman for the EDL added: “I don’t understand.”

ITV forced to refund viewers for trash TV


ITV this week announced its intention to refund viewers for over 15 years of trash TV.

The move comes after thousands of complaints were made to TOFFcom about unfair practices that deliberately mislead viewers.

A leaked ITV email revealed that stunt dogs were used in the final of Britain’s Got Talent and that sob stories have, for years, been fabricated on X Factor.

The report even suggested that I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is filmed in a TV studio in Essex.

Nedina McGlumpher from East Kilbrydie commented: “A wis absolutlee shocked tae hear aboot a stunt dug. A canna wait fur ma refund. Am goin tae Benidorm fur a holiday.”

Simon Cowell added: “Hahahaha.”

Pictures courtesy of Jasn , European Parliament and Ben Sutherland