McDash Reports: Giant Salmond portrait to be welded onto Forth Road Bridge; Farage revealed as Lord Sugar’s successor; Cameron refuses to apologise for expensive Commons dinner


CommonSpace international correspondent Balder McDash brings some of the week’s big stories

Giant Alex Salmond portrait to be welded onto Forth Road Bridge


PEOPLE in Scotland were this week surprised by the announcement that a giant portrait of Alex Salmond will be welded onto one side of the Forth Road Bridge.

The bridge has been closed to cars and pedestrians temporarily to allow the work to go ahead.

Residents of Fife are up in arms at the decision, with some threatening to glue portraits of David Cameron onto the other side of the bridge in protest.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that the portrait will be fitted with a motion sensor that will trigger a recording of Mel Gibson’s Braveheart speech to play over a sound system as boats pass underneath.

SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon commented: “The portrait will be an excellent addition to one of the country’s greatest pieces of infrastructure. Salmond’s face is sure to boost the numbers of visitors to Scotland.”

Salmond, who is rumoured to be in talks over plans to carve his face onto the side of Mount Rushmore, was unavailable to comment.

Nigel Farage revealed as Lord Sugar’s successor


FANS of long-running show ‘The Apprentice’ were this week shocked by the revelation that Ukip leader Nigel Farage is set to take over from Lord Alan Sugar.

After 11 years of hiring and firing, Lord Sugar will step down at the end of this series.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that the revamped show will be called ‘The Immigrant’ and will feature candidates from different European countries. Over the course of 12 weeks the contestants will compete for the prize of a lifetime: UK citizenship. Unsuccessful candidates will be deported.

Farage commented: “I’m thrilled to be taking over from Sugar. This is the future from Ukip and an effective way to keep the country’s immigration levels at a minimum.”

Farage’s boardroom sidekicks are yet to be appointed. However, rumours suggest that they will be Katie Hopkins and former BNP leader Nick Griffin.

David Cameron refuses to apologise for expensive Commons dinner


PRIME MINISTER David Cameron this refused to apologise for choosing not to pick up the bill at the Commons annual Christmas dinner.

According to speaker of the Hhuse, John Bercow, it is a well established tradition for the Prime Minister to cover the cost of the outing at ‘TotalPosh’ – a Westminster Michelin restaurant.

After the meal, Cameron reportedly said: “I’m jolly well not going to pay for a bunch of terrorist sympathisers.”

MPs on the opposition benches were furious by his decision and demanded an apology.

Labour MP Caroline Flint said: “Prime minister, you ruined a lovely evening. I was forced to pay a fortune for my spagbol.”

Green MP Caroline Lucas added: “The prime minister must apologise for his behaviour so that we can go back to pretending we know how to make decisions for ordinary people.”

Pictures courtesy of Scottish Government , European Parliament and Number 10