McDash Reports: Gordon Brown makes another vow; Corbyn’s baking threatens national security; Marvel announces 10,000 new films


CommonSpace weekend reporter Balder McDash brings the big stories from the week

Gordon Brown makes another vow


FORMER prime minister Gordon Brown this week returned to the political scene to make another promise about the delivery of new powers to Scotland.

Speaking at a press conference in Drumnadrochit, Brown said: “It’s over a year since the people of Scotland chose to stay in the UK. David Cameron is failing to deliver the new powers that were agreed before the vote.

“And that is why I vow to never make another vow again.”

He added: “As of tomorrow, I’m stepping down from politics altogether to pursue a new career path with one of my former colleagues.”

Brown declined to comment on the identity of his new business partner. However, rumours suggest that he has invested heavily in a new chain of nightclubs soon to be known as ‘WMD: where the music hits you within 45 minutes’.

Jeremy Corbyn’s baking threatens national security


PRIME MINISTER David Cameron was this week rushed to hospital following a run-in with Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.

The incident happened after the pair attended a Great British Bake Off final party. Cameron suffers from a severe nut allergy and described the Labour leader as “a threat to our national security” after Corbyn put a handful of peanuts in his cake mixture.

A spokesperson for Jeremy Corbyn commented: “Jeremy strenuously denies allegations that he was aware of the prime minister’s allergy prior to the event. He knew nothing about it. It’s totally nuts to suggest otherwise.”

Corbyn’s love for baking was also criticised this week after he snubbed a meeting with Her Majesty the Queen for the annual Marxist Baking Competition.
Rumours suggest that he has been shortlisted for an award in the over 60s category.

Marvel announces 10,000 new films


MARVEL studios this week announced that 10,000 new films are being added to the so-called Marvel Cinematic Universe and are scheduled for release over the next eight years.

The studio’s president, Kevin Fiege, said: “Our hope is that there’ll be something for everyone. We’ve had complaints from fans that we’ve not been making enough comic-book films.

“Now there’s two planned for every weekend of the year, for the next eight years.”

In response to critics who have described the move as ‘completely ludicrous’, Fiege responded by saying: “Who cares?”

Unofficial leaks suggest that upcoming titles will include: She-Hulk, Apocalypse and Sif.

Rumours also suggest that a number of new characters will be making their way onto the silver screen: Door Man, Lamp-Shade Man, Evil Lawnmower and The Toilet Trio.

Comic-book enthusiast David Dimbleby commented: “Marvellous news! For years I’ve been rallying for a Question Time special where politicians come dressed as their favourite super-hero. Now that may, at last, be on the cards.”

Pictures courtesy of JD Hancock , The Weekly Bull and Downing Street