CommonSpace’s weekend reporter Balder McDash with the week’s big stories
Rebekah Brooks a ‘wonderful girl’ says Cameron
FORMER News of the World editor Rebekah Brooks is a wonderful girl, according to Prime Minister David Cameron.
It was this week announced that the former News International CEO will return to a senior position at the very heart of Rupert Murdoch’s press empire, despite recently admitting in court that she had no idea what was going on when she worked there the last time.
Brooks was acquitted of phone-hacking charges after a seven-month trial last year, during which she claimed she knew pretty much nothing about how her staff did their jobs.
Cameron said: “I’m appalled at the level of criticism Beks has received. Give the woman a break. I can’t wait to have her over to Chequers for supper and tiffins and hear all about her painful journey.
“She’s a wonderful girl and a true Brit. She also does a tremendous rendition of Killing Me Softly.”
A News UK spokesperson said in response: “That’s not what he said to his wife last week in a voicema… never mind.”
Leading right-wing columnist Ted Smirk of the Daily Tory commented: “Personally I’m absolutely delighted that Beks has returned to fly the flag for honest, decent, hard working people like me and my wife, Trinny.
“I’m confident that she’ll help to restore News Crap’s reputation as an honest and trustworthy organisation.”
Carmichael to face live bushtucker trial
STV has announced plans to televise a live ‘bushtucker trial’ of disgraced Liberal Democrat MP Alistair Carmichael.
Anti-sleaze campaigners raised PS60,000 to take action after a memo was leaked from the former Scotland secretary’s office wrongly claiming that Nicola Sturgeon wanted David Cameron to become prime minister.
The money is being used to fund a two-part special of ‘I’m A Dodgy MP…Get Me An Alibi!’ hosted by Ant and Dec.
Over two programmes Carmichael will come face to face with cockroaches, spiders, snakes, green slime and Alex Salmond. At the end of each programme the lines will open for voters to decide whether or not he should keep his seat.
Entertainers Ant and Dec commented: “Aw man, we’re thrilled to have Carmichael on the show. It’s going to be class! We might even get another Bafta.”
Tony Blair: “Iraq war just like Harry Potter”
THE war in Iraq was just like what happened in Harry Potter, according to former UK prime minister Tony Blair.
Speaking from the deck of his yacht in the Mediterranean, Blair commented: “Look, in many ways, intervention in Iraq was a bit like Hogwarts.
“There are clear parallels between Saddam and Voldemort: both evil, both dangerous, and both capable of destroying us within 45 minutes.
“Though Harry, Ron and Hermione never actually discovered weapons of mass destruction, the world is a safer place without Lord Voldemort.”
Blair made the comments in an interview after confirmation this week that Lord Chilcot, who is leading an inquiry into the war, is suffering from writer’s block.
“If you just replace ‘Harry Potter’ with ‘Tony Blair’ in the final book, boom, there’s your report. No pun intended.” Blair added.
London Mayor candidate George Galloway added: “This Hogwarts thing is total hog wash!
“It is the mother of all smoke screens for an ILLEGAL WAR THAT COST…MILLIONS OF….HOW DARE YOU….BLIAR AND BUSH….WAR CRIMINAL….NEW LABOUR…MMMMMM; RRRRGHH, #@F!$%!!”
Picture courtesy of Liberal Democrats