Writer Mick Clocherty can't catch any of 'em never mind 'em all
IF you play Pokémon Go, there's a good chance I hate you.
Let me explain.
Imagine there's this fantastical building that you and your friends have been queuing to get into. People around you are talking in excited, hushed whispers. There's another world in there. A world of childlike wonder and magic. Some people ahead of you in the queue get in, you hear a squeal of delight, and you're pretty sure you hear someone shout: "Squirtle is on my toilet! I can see Squirtle on my toilet!" You can't wait. Your friends start to pile in, no problem. You get up to the door, the bouncer takes one look at your shoes, and says: "Not tonight, mate."
That's exactly what happened to me, except with my phone.
The pied piper has pranced around gathering up everyone's inner children to take them to a beautiful augmented reality together; giving people a new world to explore. Except for me, because my phone is too shit.
The pied piper has pranced around gathering up everyone's inner children to take them to a beautiful augmented reality together; rekindling old friendships, creating new ones and giving people a new world to explore. Except for me, because my phone is too shit.
It's a Samsung Galaxy S2, or S3 I think. Its deeply scarred face full of chips and cracks shows it's a battle-hardened veteran of several nights out, the worn and frayed flip-case shows that it's been used to obsessively browse social media for over three years, and the fact that it randomly turns itself off every now and again shows that it's probably time I need a new phone. I kind of like this old banger, though. My background picture is of Warwick Davis in "Willow".
Thus, Pokémon Go is something I'm only able to comment on from an outsider's perspective. Unlike other people who don't play Pokémon Go however, I am not dead inside.
I overheard a guy on the bus the other day describing the game as pathetic, and saying it was for babies. This struck me as particularly sad, as he clearly possessed the intellect of a four-year old but without any of the imagination. The existence of this game seems to be causing a crisis for a lot of people.
Life doesn't have to be all putting on trousers, paying taxes and reading the newspaper. Going to the park to catch pretend monsters on your phone doesn't make you any less of an adult.
It's quite a strange notion of maturity, grudging people having fun. It's something I've never really understood, the people who define being an adult through what pursuits they deem acceptable and what pursuits they deem unacceptable.
For example, acceptable: watching football, watching The X Factor; unacceptable: hopscotch, fantasy novels, Pokémon Go. Where is the line? I don't understand why anyone would hate this. Unless…
Unless you're jealous, too. Maybe like me, you've got a reason you can't play, and it annoys you that there are people out there experiencing joy with a trivial little mobile game. Maybe your repressed imagination limits you from experiencing the thrill of catching invisible monsters. Maybe you're so ground down under the heel of modern wage-slavery that you feel like games are pointless. Maybe you prefer Digimon.
Life doesn't have to be all putting on trousers, paying taxes and reading the newspaper. Going to the park to catch pretend monsters on your phone doesn't make you any less of an adult. Pursuing a weird little interest in spite of what anyone else thinks, if anything, makes you more of an adult. You do you, man.
So I was lying when I said I hate you. I actually envy you. Fanciful little distractions like this are what I live for. I'll join you there soon, probably around about the time everyone gets bored and stops playing.
So I was lying when I said I hate you. I actually envy you. Fanciful little distractions like this are what I live for, and it excites me to see so many people getting involved and not caring about trying to look grown up. I'll join you there soon, probably around about the time everyone gets bored and stops playing.
That being said, if one more person messages me to tell me they've caught a Drowzee, my phone will have a fresh crack on the screen, because I'll be hitting them in the face with it.
Picture courtesy of Eduardo Woo
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